Something is happening to my friends on this adventure right now that excites me. I am seeing a release that is causing new songs, new dreams, new drawings, new rapping, new paintings, new life changes, creative time management and much more. Something is stirring deep in my heart too. Let me explain what I see:
In order to appear spiritual and successful we have been encouraged to pretend to be someone we are not. This person is not us, it is who we would like to be. We hide our weaknesses and faults thinking that the ‘real me’ is not acceptable. We put a different persona forward – this persona is all sparkling, slick, organised and confident. We may be encouraged to hide ‘real me’ even deeper inside if we try to express our fears, weaknesses and doubts that ‘real me’ is feeling and we get rejected or are misunderstood. Perhaps we get told to pull ourselves together, we get told to confess the truth and stop crying, we get told to have faith and think of others in worse situations than ourselves.
We subsequently become ashamed of who we really are. Our weaknesses and faults make us feel like failures. People seem to love our new persona and not be so impressed with the ‘real me’.
The only trouble is that we start to hide not only our hurts, bed memories, mistakes and pain we also hide the good things we are. We hide our sensitivity, responses, choices, passions, opinions, things we care about. These things at the core of the ‘real me’ get hidden away. We feel they are not suitable for public show, they are embarrassing and not up to standard.
By hiding our core we start to become numb. We lose our wow factor- our wonder in the small things that make us look and say “wow”. Appreciation of beauty needs our emotions and a very personal response -but we no longer trust these things. In loosing our sensitivity and delight we loose touch with all that is creative inside us
The journey I am on has meant that all the cupboards of my life where I have stored the unacceptable memories, the painful words, the shame of mistakes and the ‘real me’ have been overflowing. I have had them all packed up nicely along with my sensitivity and ability to feel. I have made a choice to unpack these and face what is inside. This means facing loss, grief, misplaced trust etc. but what I didn’t expect to find is that as I have deliberately started to deal with the negative things I have started to find myself.
The ‘real me’ has started to find its way through the rubble of the healing process and out into the open. I can start to make choices, feel, respond and not be ashamed. I can show my weaknesses and mistakes and it is ok. I can not have it all together but still be loved. I have started to draw, paint, write songs and think again. It is exciting to feel a fresh expression of things inside.
Freedom brings creativity.